It started in the usual way. Online of course. Jake was charming and cute. I was smitten. We were both super busy so it was all phone calls and text messages in the beginning. When we finally did decide to meet, he suggested we meet at his gym. Don't get me wrong, fitness is my passion, but Jake looked super fit in his pictures and I was intimidated to work out with him. I didn't want to look like an idiot. but I agreed. I knew immediately when I pulled into the parking lot this was a terrible idea. The parking lot was completely full. It took a full ten minutes to find a spot. I arrived first so I parked and waited. As luck would have it, a spot opened up right next to mine. Jake pulled in. I got out of my car and walked over to his. As he begin to get out of his car, I was in shock. Jake was about 5 inches shorter than he stated on his profile and had clearly been using filters in all of his photos. Crap. I immediately began pondering my escape plan feeling as though I had been catfished.
We walked through the front doors of the gym and I darted for the bathrooms. I needed a minute to think. Actually, as it turned out, I needed ten minutes to think. At one point I text him to go ahead and work out without, which he refused. Apparently he was a gentleman. A lying gentleman. I realized I was going to have to go out and face the man that had catfished me. He could barely make eye contact. We headed towards his favorite machine. I could feel my anxiety rising. Thats it! I looked at him with sheer panic in my eyes as I explained that I could not stay and workout because the large crowd of people was a trigger for my anxiety. Thank you Gen Z! I practically ran out the front doors to my car. I sat in my car so proud of myself for getting out of there so cleverly.
My phone began ringing. It was Jake. Shit I thought. What did I forget? I had to answer. "Hello" "Hey, was I that ugly?" he said. I was mortified. "No, I told you my anxiety" I pleaded. "Well lets meet across the street" Jake said trying desperately to hang on to the date. "Sure" I replied reluctantly. shit. I was almost free.
I drove across the street to some Mexican restaurant I had never heard of. There were armed guards at the front doing pat downs which immediately struck me as odd. We got our pat downs and walked in. Every waitress was dressed in nothing but lingerie. Yes, Lingerie. and not the kind that covers some parts. Nope. Lace. I tried to play it cool. I couldn't contain myself anymore. I busted out laughing. "why in the world did you bring me here ?" I asked. "a friend recommended it" he replied with his head down. I said "you've never been here?" "no" he replied with shame. I laughed even harder. He had brought me to a strip club that had food. I almost felt bad for him. Until I remembered he had catfished me in the first place. We parted ways that night and never spoke again!
Sincerely,
Free
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